thanks matt and kim for being about the only ones to cheer me up sometimes!

whoever came up with the phrase "it's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" has probably never been in love. because that sentence is complete bullshit. it's great to love, but it sucks to lose. so this person has either never been in love, or has never lost. sure i have learned a lot, and as much as i hurt... i would never take back anything. any of it, any of what i felt, any of the memories. i have learned so much, and i am glad to have had the experience. but sometimes i think it could be nice to be able to go back to the day before i met that certain someone. because then, i wouldn't know any different. i would be able to do it all over and not set myself up for a heartbreak. and i am not talking about just any heartbreak. talking about one that affects everything i do, every decision i make, every breath i take, every song i hear, and leaves me crying for months, and months, and months. sometimes i feel like it would be nice to not know what that kind of pain was. to have the old "me" back. i am sick of crying. i laugh at jokes i don't find funny, i force a smile 99 percent of the time to pretend i am happy, when i really am not. i wish i could just wake up from this dream or make all of the pain go away. i hope none of you have ever felt this way. i would never wish these feelings or emotions upon anyone else.

I also don't believe in the little phrase "time heals" because that's a bunch of crap too... i believe that you learn to deal with things over time. you get used to things the way they are, you learn to handle them... you learn to cope. but the pain is still there and you will neverrr forget it.

that is my two cents on people who think life is a big fairy tale. SORRY FOLKS. wake up... this is the real world, hate it to break it to you.
don't get offended from this post, because i am not saying love doesn't exist or that people can't be happy. i am just saying that life will take unexpected turns... there will be unplanned events, road blocks, trials, certain things put in our lives to test our faith. don't walk through life like a zombie... learn to feel; learn to recognize.

this is something i DO believe- that love wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain; or you truly know sweet... once you have had bitter.
never tell someone you love them if you don't really mean it. because you never know what kind of effect you might have on this person. and let me say one last thing... congrats to those who have found love and true happiness! hold on to it. very, very tightly.

you stay classy san diego!

“Find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass. That’s the kind of person worth sticking with.” – Juno



I'll have this someday.

it's all make believe isn't it?

heads will roll.